Sunday, November 11, 2007

A Special Place in Hell

It's a peculiar little room that we all have created in the very darkest corner of our minds. Mine is accessorized with mildew and car alarms that only go off in the dead of night and the scent of cheap cologne and lots of chartreuse. The lighting is very bright and very bad and the roof leaks. It's a cold, ugly basement room with tiny windows. It's my personal vision of hell and it's where I enjoy mentally putting people who annoy me.
They of course change depending on what I'm doing and where I live. When I lived in Alaska they were women who felt that being seen in public wearing down parkas, caps made from handspun malemute hair, and moon boots was acceptable behavior. When I was in Bangkok they were security guards whose grip on life apparently depended upon constantly blowing their little tin whistles. As a bookseller, I sent to my little private hell everyone who told me, "But I can get it cheaper from Amazon."
But none of these people occupy my special place in hell anymore. They can't. There's no room for them there. That space is crowded with a new breed of transgressor, and I am one of them (although I'm trying hard to change.)
My hideous little private hell is now reserved for everybody who reads another person's blog post without commenting on it. There are few things worse than going to statcounter.com, discovering all of the new people on the map that have come to your blog, and then discovering that you'll never know what they thought or who they were because they didn't leave a comment.
It doesn't matter, I've discovered, what you say. I'd be grateful for "You suck" or "What the hell? I was trying to find out where to buy Glenn Close sunglasses." (For those who were searching for the movie about being deaf in Bangkok--it's the Pang Brothers' Bangkok Dangerous--great movie and I hope you can rent it from Netflix.) But now that I know how little it takes to make a blogger happy, I'm leaving comments all over the place. I have to. I need to
make room in my special place in hell for all of you who fail to leave comments on mine. I hope that you enjoy mildew and chartreuse.

5 comments:

Kim said...

I would prefer a little space in your idea of heaven, thank you, as I assume it involves drinking in the afternoon. Kim

Janet Brown said...

How did you ever guess? I'll provide the limoncello, you bring the appropriate glasses.

kate said...

Janet, long time, no see! Your hell for no-commenters is just what I needed to make me say hello. I thought of you so much when I was in Bangkok - then just last week saw that you aren't at EBBco?!? anymore and found you here! I'm so glad. Let's be in touch, shall we?

Janet Brown said...

My dear Kate--
Are you the mystery reader in Philadelphia? How can I get in touch with you???Please send email address asap to fresh_hell@hotmail.com
Janet

Tokyo Ern said...

You must forgive me but I've only recently started reading your blog and now I'm working my way through the older posts. I know what you mean about people not leaving comments. I feel the same and I've only been a blogger for a very short time. Always enjoy your comments.