Ten Things to Know about Living in the Country

1. Green bananas exude a fluid that will stain clothing. Indelibly.

2. Do not think the groceries in a small country store are capable of sustaining life as you know it.

3. Do not embark upon a rural adventure without bringing drugs.

4. And a chauffeur.

5. A gigolo who also drives would be even better.

6. Remember--sleep is your friend--indulge as much as possible.

7. Green is only a restful color in very small doses.

8. Too much green is a clear indication that something is probably rotting.

9. Try not to think that what is decaying is probably a large portion of your brain.

10. Be grateful that even in the deep woods, there is still internet access.